This is a pleasant fiction, isn't it?

How to Decrease your Friend Count on Facebook

Well, can’t really just have one liner posts here…that’s what Twitter and Facebook are for.
But what I was really thinking about all these “absolute” statements people make without actually thinking about the severity of what they’re claiming,

Have no clue what I’m talking about? Well here are a few examples:

“This is the best song EVER”
Give me a break. You’ll probably say that about Lights’s next song.

Or they take a picture with their “bff” and say, “can’t get any better then this” <– grammar and punctuation errors were intentional.
Well, if it can’t get any better, then I feel sorry for you because you have nothing better to look forward to (this coming from a pessimist too…)

Well, if it can’t get any better, then it can only go down hill from here. Let’s take a gander at the possibilities:

Your “sista” gets picked up at a club by Pablo from Spain, unknowing that he’s got the clap, and he makes sweet love to her. Oops.

Your “bfflz” ends up in a car accident because wanna-be Pauly-D over there had one too many Jagerbombs and decided to pull some donuts in daddy’s Dodge Caravan on the 400 and everyone thought it was great idea to tag along and seek some thrills. But hey, they were wearing seat belts, give them a break…

The “bestest-bf <3” for 5 weeks who you’ve Facebook-married suddenly decides that your b-cup isn’t giving him the satisfaction he needs and goes over to that “slut” who was just blowing your brother last week. Leaving you completely heart broken. And Taylor Swift totally helps you through it though. The break up hurts so much and you can’t stop thinking about him, says your Facebook status and tweets, but “omg, todd is SO cuuuute”

Alright, this doesn’t really help you decrease your friend count, but if you post this and totally agree with it, then you may get a few huffs from a few people as they’re reading it. I’ll probably lose a few friends through this…

Jesus. I shouldn’t be allowed to talk.

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